“Use this trick and neutralize the feelings that you feel so that you can choose emotion that is more useful for you to get where you want to go.” – Amber Deibert in today’s Tip 1370
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Scott Ingram: You’re listening to the Daily Sales Tips podcast and I’m your host, Scott Ingram. Today’s tip comes from Amber Deibert. Amber is a performance coach who helps Enterprise Account Executives in Tech conquer imposter syndrome and manage their mindset. She has helped hundreds of clients get their mojo back and get back on the top of the leaderboard. Here she is:
Amber Deibert: What’s up, everybody? Performance Coach Amber Deibert here with a stuffy nose. A little bit more nasally than usual. You’re welcome. Today, I’m going to give you a tip that is going to help you be less emotional about things and more neutral about things, which I’m not a big believer in stuffing down your emotions and not ever having emotions. But I am a big believer in being able to control the feelings that you feel so that you can choose feelings that are going to be more useful for you. Because the way you feel determines how you act. But first, you have to start to be able to control how you feel. So I’m going to teach you how to get control over how you think about a situation or start to kind of loosen up the default feeling that you feel a little bit so that you can choose to feel a different way and be able to move forward.
So I call these exercise, facts versus thoughts.
Now, there are things that happen outside of us, circumstances that we choose, many that we don’t choose, and all of them feel like they have an effect on us. So something happens and it makes you feel a certain way, or at least that’s how we’re taught. That’s what we’re socialized to believe. Our caretakers would say things like, Oh, did he hurt your feelings? Or are you sad because your toy broke? And so we were taught that our feelings are caused by the things outside of us. When actually that’s not true. But I think that this is a very anxiety-inducing way to think about things because you can’t control what happens outside of you. And so if you can’t, then you can’t control your feelings.
So let’s get back control of those feelings. When something outside of you happens, I want you to ask yourself, what is the complete objective truth about this? Now you will know that you’ve made it completely objective when it passes these two tests. Is it something that everybody in the entire world would agree on? And two, is it something that could be proven in a court of law?
So this takes all opinion out of something. So you might think, well, my manager doesn’t like me, but that may feel like a fact to you, but not everybody in the world would agree. Some people might think you think that means they don’t like you. Like, let me show you a manager that doesn’t like you. And also it couldn’t be proven in a court of law. Do you have any actual fact data to show that. Maybe even somebody sends you an email and you could use those exact words that they said as the data.
So I love using the example of getting fired from your job.
Some people think this is across the board a problem. It’s not great if you get fired from your job. Well, I’ve been in companies before, don’t tell them where I would have been so delighted to be let go and have the severance package because I was done with those companies. So it’s not always across the board a bad thing. So the next day something happens. Ask yourself, what do I think the fact is and what is the actual fact?
So going back to the example of my manager doesn’t like me, you might feel like that’s the fact, but not everybody would agree and it can’t be proven in a court of law. So the actual fact could be you have a manager, you report to this person, anybody could look at the org chart and they could agree. Yes, you report to that person, they have their title, you have your title. It’s completely objective.
Once you get to this neutral, not emotionally charged place, then you start to be able to have control over what you want to make it mean. Do you want to make it mean that they don’t like you? Or do you want to make it mean that there are things you can do to improve relationship? Or maybe you start to see that actually they do like you. They’re very invested in you, they’re always trying to help you.
Use this trick and neutralize the feelings that you feel so that you can choose emotion that is more useful for you to get where you want to go.
Scott Ingram: For links to connect with Amber including links to her podcasts and Manage Your Mindset course, just click over to DailySales.Tips/1370. Once you’ve done that, be sure to come right back for another great sales tip. Thanks for listening!