“When you do not learn how to deal with these tyrants, they will continue to appear in your life.” – Meshell Baker in today’s Tip 1627
How do you deal with these tyrants and turn them into your teachers?
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Scott Ingram: You’re listening to the Daily Sales Tips podcast and I’m your host, Scott Ingram. Are you ready for a great one? Today’s tip comes from Meshell Baker, our favorite sales confidence igniter and authentic selling crusader. Here she is:
Meshell Baker: Hello. Today I want to talk to you about turning your tyrants into your teachers. Now this could be a boss, a colleague, someone in your personal life. This is an experience where it feels cruel and oppressive, and that person is exercising absolute authority and a power over you in a way that has a disregard of your rights and your feelings.
Now, what is a teacher?
A teacher is someone who helps you to learn. They help you to expand your knowledge. They help you to become more valuable in your life, in the work that you do.
So how do I take this person that is behaving in a tyrannical way and turn them into my teacher?
Number one, don’t let them see you sweat. The goal is to not be an emotional punching bag. What happens is people who are oppressive and cruel and wielding their authority, they look for punching bags. They need this to build their energy and feel good about themselves. And when you don’t let them see you sweat, when you’re confident, when you’re unwavering in your self-worth and your belief in your value, they will move on. Eventually, it’s not always immediately, and they will eventually move on.
Number two, listen actively. Instead of taking that irade and trying to show them your value or trying to explain or apologize or being overcommunicative about wanting them to understand and feel a certain way about you, just listen to them and respond with questions. Respond in a way that you are directing the conversation in a manner of the outcome that you desire. What do you want this conversation to end with? And it doesn’t mean about them changing their behavior because you will not change their behavior. Only thing you can do is hold and determine that this conversation is going to express your value to yourself regardless of who they are.
Be a role model. Again, this is not about you changing them and hoping that they see you behave in a certain way so that they will do it. Just instead of going and you know how they say, the dad kicks the kid and the kid goes and kicks the puppy, instead of going and treating other people that way, be the model of the boss or the person that you want to have in your life. You will be constructive, you will be kind, you will be patient, you will be gracious with everyone around you because this is a lesson for you. If you don’t like the way it feels when someone treats you that way, why would you then go and treat someone else the same way? Be the model of what you want to see in your life.
Number four, be a problem solver. Generally, what happens with people who are behaving this oppressive way is that they are unleashing their shortcomings, their problems, their overwhelm and their frustration on someone else instead of having a conversation with other people as a collaboration of how we can solve this problem together. When you proactively demonstrate how to turn conversations that are challenging into ones with favorable outcomes, again, be the model. But when you are looking to be the solution, you will actively start to have less of those people showing up because they know they can’t feed and fuel their lack of energy from you.
And humor, levity is one of the great diffusions of tension. Now you have to be able to use this sparingly and appropriately because sometimes this could fuel someone and make them even crazier if it’s used inappropriately. And again, the biggest thing I’ll say for you, for the next tip is, think about this person, because if this has been happening, it will continue to happen. What is the outcome you want to experience from this? How do you want to feel? How will you fuel your self-worth and your confidence?
And remember, as soon as you learn the lesson, you will get the blessing. You will move on. It doesn’t mean that that person is going to magically disappear. And I promise you, when you do not learn how to deal with these tyrants, they will continue to appear in your life. And when you do learn how to deal with them, it’s amazing how you will see less of them. Have a great day selling.