“When you are doing something you feel you should do, it’s out of obligation, you will start to build resentment towards yourself and others in situations that can lead to depression, mental fatigue, victimization, and all other sorts of negative feelings.” – Meshell Baker in today’s Tip 1675
Are you SHOULDing yourself?
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Transcript
Scott Ingram: You’re listening to the Daily Sales Tips podcast and I’m your host, Scott Ingram. Today’s tip comes from our favorite Sales Confidence Igniter and Authentic Selling Crusader, Meshell Baker. Here she is:
Meshell Baker: Hello. Today’s tip is actually a challenge, and the challenge is to stop SHOULDing yourself. Why? Although should is an inevitable part of everyone’s regular speech and vocabulary, and it can be a good thing or a bad thing, should is often used and felt to be burdensome, and it implies a lot of obligation. It’s heavy. The reason being is should is defined as one, it’s used to indicate obligation, duty or correctness, and typically when criticizing someone’s actions.
It also is used to indicate what is probable. The challenge is that when you are doing something you feel you should do, it’s out of obligation, you will start to build resentment towards yourself and others in situations that can lead to depression, mental fatigue, victimization, and all other sorts of negative feelings. What happens is when you should, you gloss over the idea that you actually have a choice in the matter.
So here’s Meshell’s acronym for should. Shane Hinders Observing Useful Learned Distinctions. See, when you are able to observe distinctions, a distinction being defined as a difference or a contrast between two similar things or people, also excellence that set someone or something apart for others. When you are able to observe distinctions, you will make choices and decisions that will elevate your sales game. How do you do that? You begin by being honest with yourself and asking the question, What would it look like to let go of what you think you should do and start doing what you actually want to do? What is it you actually want to do?
You see, a lot of times what gets stuck in the shoulds are the things that you, me, and all of us are not good at. It’s the things that we’ve been putting off because we don’t feel like we really want to do it, or we feel like it may be difficult when in the reality is everything you want is on the other side of feelings. Remember, feelings are not real. It’s just a story. Here are five practical tips to stop SHOULDing yourself and cultivate more grace, more patience, and more compassion for yourself so your sales will soar.
One, replace the word should with words like I can, I will, I get to, I am. These are great starting points to shift your mindset from obligation to opportunity.
Two, write down your intentions or whys each morning. This is powerful. Instead of doing a to-do list, create a to-be list. What do you want to feel today? How do you want to treat yourself? How do you want to treat others? How do you want to feel at the end of the day? This will make you more mindful with your intentions of who you’re being, not just what you’re doing. You’re whys.
Three, filter the content that you let into your life. Begin to reconsider what you’re listening to, like podcasts, what you’re watching, like TV shows, the books you’re reading, and even the conversations that you’re having with other people. Your mind is a sponge, and it does not filter anything that comes in. If you are having a lot of conversations about what you have to need the should be doing, you are weighing yourself down with the shoulds. So filter.
Number four, have a support system. Who are your, I call them, accountability buddies? Who are the buddies that you have? The folks, the family, the friends that you have in your life that will encourage and inspire you to be your best self. The people that when you call and you have a problem, they don’t start a pity potty. Tell me what’s wrong. You want people to listen to you and begin to solve, to ask you, what do you want it to be? How are you going to turn this into a favorable outcome? What can you learn from this? Because everything is happening for you, not to you, and your support system is there to help you to see, to distinguish, to have the distinction that this is happening for you.
And five, encourage others. The more you are encouraging of other people, the more you will attract encouragement for yourself. Quote I’m going to end with is by Brené Brown. Grace means all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame. Have a great day selling.
Scott Ingram: For more from Meshell Baker on LinkedIn, just click over to Meshell Baker on LinkedIn. Once you’ve done that, be sure to come back for another great sales tip. Thanks for listening!